After all this submission talk, I thought I would share just some quick thoughts of what this looks like practically in a marriage relationship. At least, this is what it looks like for me. Maybe you, too, would find it helpful.

1. I try to respond affirmatively. Whenever my husband approaches me with an idea or request, as often as I can, I try to answer with a “Yes” statement. Even if I disagree with the idea, I stay positive in my response, with a cheerful attitude.

Husband: “Honey, I think we should go to my parents for Christmas this year.”

Wife: “Sure. Can we find a way to also see my parents?”

Husband: “I’d like for you to spend a little less money on food as we look at trimming our budget.”

Wife: “Okay. What food items are important that we keep, and which are you willing to part with.”

Husband: “Would you have time to get the oil changed in the car today?”

Wife: “You bet. And if I can’t get it done today I will certainly get it done tomorrow”

2. When I have a strong opinion on an important issue, I tell my husband once, then let it go. I try to find a time that is not loaded with emotion, where we have uninterrupted time to talk. Then, I gently and respectfully tell him how I feel and what I think should be done about the situation. I make sure to tell him that I will respect whatever he decides in the end, and that I appreciate him taking my thoughts into consideration. Knowing that he has heard me, unless my opinion changes, I try not to bug him about it again. Sometimes the conversation will lead to him asking me to dig up more information, or to take some sort of follow up action step, to which I try to agree.

3. I spend a lot of time in prayer. God can change hearts much more effectively than I can. God can bring people into his life to steer my husband, He can give him applicable scripture, and He can change the circumstances, all without me. As wives, we just need to continue trusting God.

4. I continue loving my man. Even if my husband makes a final decision that goes against my wishes (which rarely happens because he is so good about partnering with me), I love him anyway. No punishing. No rudeness. No “I-told-you-so”. Love is an incredible influence. Your husband can be moved by it. Even if not, your marriage will be happier for it’s presence.

Those are just some simple (not necessarily easy) steps for practicing submission.

What does submission look like for you?

For whatever reason, the kids and I were looking through my “baby” book the other day, which is full of memories, and pictures, and statistics of my growing up years. It was fun to look back and see what I looked like…

But, oh dear, mom, what were you thinking with my hair!?!?

Apparently, I have never been a “hair girl”. I was born with unwieldy hair, and each successive school picture is proof that, although I had a lot of it, I have never pulled off a beautiful hairdo. Even today, I can walk away from my hairdresser with luxurious locks, but put me to task in styling it the next day, it’s hopeless. I have hair that takes just as much time to straighten as it does to curl (i.e. very nondescript, caddy-whompus, unattractive wave), and seeing as how I have to wash and dry my hair EVERY day, I never know what it’s going to make up it’s mind to do until halfway into the blow dry. This situation leaves me hours each week in the bathroom, just doing my dag blasted hair! And inevitably, I walk out of the bathroom with a “neither-here-nor-there” coif.

Thank goodness God could care less about hair. In fact, in 1 Peter 3:3, he says,

“Your adornment must not be merely external–braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

There is nothing wrong with cute clothes, a little jewelry, or being a “hair girl” (trying to calm the envy here ), but when we as women spend more time beautifying the outside than the inside, we have completely missed the essence of true beauty. I caught a glimpse of a talk show the other day a few years back as I was folding laundry. A “beauty icon” was being interviewed and at 69 years old, she had nary a wrinkle…not even one! Her hair was long, full, and a smashing shade of red. Her teeth were pearly white and straight as an arrow. Her forhead didn’t move and she had no sagging skin or drooping eyelids. She didn’t even look real. And for all her “beauty” (it was kind of creepy if you asked me) she had been married four times and hadn’t the wisdom and maturity you would expect from a woman who has walked the earth for 69 years. If her external shell was stripped away, as one day it surely will be, what would be left? For that is what God sees. He is Spirit and He relates to us on the level of the spirit. He cleanses us, and changes us, and beautifies us on the inside, if we cooperate with His work. In 2 Corinthians 4:16 it says,

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison,while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

God cares about the precious, hidden places of my heart. He desires that I grow in beauty inwardly, not outwardly. It is the inner self that will live eternally. My body is just going to break down and die someday, and therefore is not worth spending inordinate amounts of time and money on beautifying it. Jewelry, clothes, hair, porcelain skin, and plastic surgery are all going to disintegrate. I will get wrinkles no matter what creams I use. My skin is going to sag, regardless. My hair is going to gray.

But the jewelry of a gentle and quiet spirit looks amazing on the persona of an aging woman.

It’s important to make the note here that a gentle and quiet spirit is not about personality, but attitude. I know some women that are boisterous, extraverted, and loud and yet they have such a joyful and sweet demeanor that radiates Christ’s love. And I know other women who are reserved and quiet, but they are anxious or bitter on the inside. A gentle and quiet spirit is a spirit that is not fearful, critical, or anxious…

because it trusts in God.

It’s not that we girls can’t have fun looking cute. I think God created us with an eye for beauty, for it’s appreciation and it’s creation, and in that sense, we are image-bearers of our Creator God. In fact, Peter says “Your adornment must not be merely external”. It’s expected that women would enhance and marvel at the beauty that God has given them, but our inward beauty is far more important and worth investing in. Yes, it is perfectly okay to be a “hair girl”, or to have soft, beautiful skin, as long as the heart underneath is even softer and more beautiful, for that is what is precious in God’s eyes.

Seeking to be a beautiful wife,

In unpacking this concept of submission, the passage that I have been working through here is 1 Peter 3:1-7 (as a counterpart to Ephesians 5:22-24), and I am still hanging out in the first verse.

“In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands”.

We’ve talked both about what submission is and is not, and today I want to look at that little phrase “in the same way”. I am to submit in the same way as what, Peter? What does that mean? I think the answer is two-fold.

In 1 Peter 2:13, Peter has already said that everyone is to submit to every human institution that God has ordained. Submission is not a concept uniquely applied to just wives. Everyone is to submit to the government, employers are to submit to employees, children are to submit to parents, Christians are to submit to their church leaders, and wives are to submit to their own husbands (notice…you don’t have to submit to anyone else’s husband…phew!). All humans have several other people that they are to submit to. Ladies, the spotlight is not just on us! Yet, we get so egocentric that we take great offense that we have to submit to our husbands. For goodness sakes, we have to submit in the same way that everyone else has to submit to someone.

A major part of what it means to be a Christian is to submit to others, to consider one another as more important than yourself, to humble yourself, to turn the other cheek.

This isn’t husband and wife stuff, it’s Christian stuff. But that said, I believe that the Scriptures teach a mutual submission amongst husbands and wives. It may look different, but husbands are called to love us as Christ loves the church, to honor us, and to live with us in an understanding way. That is a form of submission. So I choose not to complain about the fact that God has asked me to submit, because He expects that from all of us.

So we are to submit “in the same way” as everyone else, but we are also to submit “in the same way” as Christ. The previous verses in 1 Peter 2 refer to this fact.

“For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (vv. 22-23).

You know, there was a time when Jesus didn’t want to do what God had asked him to do. I know he willingly chose to come to earth with the purpose to die, but there were moments when he wasn’t sure he could endure it. Remember in the garden when he was praying? He knew that he was about to be arrested, tortured, hung on a cross, and severed for a moment from his relationship with the Father, and in that moment he asked if he could get out of it. But he qualified it by saying, “Not my will, but yours be done.” In other words,

“I would rather it be different, but I joyfully choose to fit into your plan”. Submission.

He didn’t pout, complain, argue, or sin. He just set his intent on submitting to the Father’s will. If the King of Kings and Lord of Lords can submit by suffering even unto death on a cross, how much more should I submit to my husband who is trying to fulfill his God-giving duty as leader of our home? I am not headed for torture or death, but I do need to sacrifice my pride and defer to my husband, simply because God has asked me to. And therein lies the secret of submission. It’s the same secret that Jesus drew upon in his hour of uncertainty. He “kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously”. I can do that. I might not always agree with my husband about things. I might feel that something is unfair. I might feel overlooked, unheard, or displaced, but I can entrust myself to God who judges fairly.

I think that is ultimately what submission is: trusting ourselves to God.

It’s an important demonstration of faith. Do I really believe that God is good and that He loves me, even when it doesn’t make sense? I mean, God has asked me to submit to my husband, and perhaps I may not agree with my his leadership, but am I willing to believe that God knows what He is doing and that it will work out for His purposes and glory? That’s what making Christ Lord of your life is all about!

And in all honesty, if submission means that I get the chance to practice being a little more Christ-like, than I truly am blessed to be a woman. We are never more like Him than when we submit, and to identify with Christ in this way should be considered a great privilege.

“In the same way.”

I want to be more like Jesus.

I choose to be submissive.

Following His footsteps,